Thursday, 19 February 2015

Lamentation After Ash Wednesday

Joel 2:12

Due to a whole cacophony of family duties and distractions I came upon Ash Wednesday utterly unprepared and unfocused. 

By the time I curled over into sleep, i had drunk coffee and alcohol, eaten meat and chocolate, spent too much time on the computer, too much time driving around, forgotten to turn the radio off, forgotten to go outside to pray. Not one Lenten observance even considered. 

That evening I had ran into Mass late, only to be tutted by the priest. As I was the reader this was not the best of beginnings. Chastened, I approached the lectern not at all surprised at the Lord's sense of timing.  Joel's reading resounded 
'Now, now...Come back to me with all your heart'. 

It's not my heart, Lord. It's the world that surrounds it. 

It's the responsibilities that come with being a full-time working, studying, wanting to work in the vineyard, grandmother, mother and wife. It's the inability to bilocate and the assumption that you can. It's knowing that every time you say 'no' to something it is usually the one thing you wanted to do.

I do intend to try. I've got my Lenten read, signed on to a few on-line retreats, subscribed to my favourite Lenten daily postings. I have art materials and journals and ideas that spin out in my sleep-starved nights.

The bookmark hasn't moved a page in the last few days and I expect I will be sorting the retreats and emails into the 'one day folder' more often than not. 

I will 'like' other people's offerings with minimal envy and try to keep up with the blog. I'm sure that this Lent, like every Lent, has a mind all of its own and by the end, I will have learnt a little more. 

But for now.

My heart is weary, Lord. If you want it you had better come to me.



Claire Bangasser said...

I can so relate, Word. Fortunately, Godde carries us to bed and tucks us in when we're dead tired xoxo

Gelli Ma said...

Yes, Claire, I am glad I have lived long enough to find that out too <3

Barbara In Caneyhead said...

Thank God He can come in and scoop us up and carry us through our days when we are too overloaded to do it ourselves! I'm not Catholic, but I believe that to the Lord, the most important thing is that you find time for Him and then let Him order your days.
Life & Faith in Caneyhead